Not Long At All
by I Will Disappear
Summary: You better take it all in, because you don't want to forget. You want to remember what he feels like, how you feel when you are both tangled in the morning before he leaves. Before you leave.


A/N: Wow so this came about really fast and I kind of hope it sticks to the writing style I started this whole Puppies verse with.

/ |||| | Not Long At All | |||| \\\

/

You take in a deep breath; this is what you have been waiting for, his scent to envelop you closed.

His heart beat a steady thump against your back, his breath hot and puffed against your neck.

You're warm, secure, awake, and stupidly happy.

You know it won't last, he will wake soon, and your heart beat will make sure of that.

You wish you could have an out of body experience, that you can watch within the safety of sleep and know it is true and not a dream. That your heart could keep the same steady beat in wakefulness as it did in sleep.

That it would wake him, your heart, hurt so much, he will stir and be gone in a flash.

You can breathe deep now though, can take in his warmth, snuggle down deeper in his arms.

You can turn and hold him or burrow into his chest; he will be awake soon anyways.

You wonder if you could get away with kissing him,

But you're too afraid to try.

Instead all you do is lay there taking in his scent and warmth, trying not to fall to pieces again, trying not to cry again.

You remember when you cried, how he stopped making eye contact, how he did not step foot in your room for a week, how he gave you more pull and push during the pack meeting.

You don't want him anywhere that isn't next to you.

You want him here in your bed every night where he belonged.

You don't want to be told to go away, that it has to stop, that you're not enough.

You take a deep breath to steady yourself.

You're going to fall off center if you keep this up, you need to stop.

STOP!

Deep breathe, in, out, an arm pulls you closer in sleep, the beginnings of wakefulness coming and going as they always did.

You close your eyes and breathe, move closer, and lay still before he leaves you behind.

Sometimes, not the best of times, you think that it may be better if you left, just disappeared with a promise from your dad not to look for you.

You reason that it could be done, so long as you're safe and email and call often you're sure your dad wouldn't be against moving out of town, state even.

You only have to wait a few more months before you can start to show interest in some vague major that only few colleges cater to.

You could be out of state, hell out of country if you could get a full ride scholarship.

Your dad would even be proud.

If it meant you could get out of this hell you're sure you could do it.

Could go be reckless, get too drunk, insist on driving yourself back too hard, drive too fast, and hit something and end it.

They would probably say how you were a 'trouble maker, but a good kid', how you 'would be missed', and 'how could ever happen to someone like you.'

You can imagine that even he will be able to move on to someone who he deserved, because you know that you don't deserve him, that he deserves better.

You can feel him moving now, can feel him pull you closer and let go.

Can feel him as he lingers, not quite sure if you're awake or asleep, the perks of dozing.

You lull as he stays behind you, still pressed to your back, still in your bed, under your covers, next to you.

No one else's.

You can feel him slip from your bed; can feel as you start to cry.

You said you wouldn't, and that makes you think of all the interviews that celebrities have, how they always say, 'I promised myself I wouldn't cry.'

How cliché.

You hear him stop; he's probably standing in the middle of your floor trying to get dressed.

He can smell your tears, fuck you don't want him to leave you for a week again.

You do the only thing you can; you sit up and pull the covers off.

He's standing there, eyes wide, his pants in one hand and shirt thrown over his shoulder.

You move out of bed and around him as you continue to cry.

You act like nothing's wrong, throw him a 'Bye' and your usual smile and head out into the hall and into the bathroom.

You turn the water to hot; you want to burn away the hurt and cold of him not next to you.

You take a few deep breaths and you finally stop with your crying.

Say a silent 'Man up.' to yourself and turn the water off, grab a towel and move back to your room.

He won't be there and there's a pack meeting tonight.

It looks like he won't be in your bed for another week, if not longer, who knows.

You don't, he won't say anything to do with werewolves to you, he doesn't want you to know, doesn't want you period, and so who knows, who fucking cares.

Just a few more months, not that long at all.


End file.
